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Experiencing denial, especially when it occurs frequently, is anything but enjoyable. Someone is saying no, giving a definite “Not interested.” Working in writing, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I began submitting manuscripts five decades ago, upon finishing university. Over the years, I have had multiple books turned down, along with article pitches and countless short stories. Over the past two decades, focusing on op-eds, the rejections have only increased. In a typical week, I get a setback multiple times weekly—totaling over 100 times a year. Overall, denials throughout my life run into thousands. At this point, I could claim a advanced degree in rejection.

But, is this a complaining rant? Far from it. Because, finally, at 73 years old, I have embraced rejection.

In What Way Have I Managed It?

For perspective: By this stage, almost every person and others has said no. I’ve never kept score my success rate—doing so would be very discouraging.

A case in point: not long ago, an editor turned down 20 pieces one after another before approving one. A few years ago, over 50 publishing houses vetoed my memoir proposal before a single one approved it. Subsequently, 25 representatives rejected a project. A particular editor even asked that I send my work less often.

The Phases of Rejection

Starting out, every no were painful. I took them personally. I believed my writing was being turned down, but me as a person.

No sooner a piece was rejected, I would begin the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, disbelief. What went wrong? How could editors be overlook my talent?
• Second, denial. Certainly you’ve rejected the mistake? This must be an administrative error.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What do editors know? Who made you to decide on my labours? You’re stupid and their outlet stinks. I deny your no.
• After that, frustration at the rejecters, then self-blame. Why would I do this to myself? Am I a martyr?
• Fifth, bargaining (often mixed with delusion). What will it take you to acknowledge me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, depression. I lack skill. Worse, I’ll never be any good.

This continued over many years.

Notable Examples

Certainly, I was in good fellowship. Stories of authors whose work was at first declined are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Virtually all writer of repute was first rejected. Because they managed to persevere, then perhaps I could, too. The basketball legend was cut from his school team. Most US presidents over the last 60 years had previously lost races. The actor-writer says that his script for Rocky and desire to star were declined numerous times. He said rejection as a wake-up call to motivate me and keep moving, instead of giving up,” he has said.

The Seventh Stage

Later, when I entered my 60s and 70s, I reached the final phase of setback. Understanding. Currently, I better understand the multiple factors why someone says no. To begin with, an editor may have just published a comparable article, or be planning one in the pipeline, or be contemplating that idea for a different writer.

Alternatively, less promisingly, my pitch is of limited interest. Or maybe the evaluator believes I lack the credentials or reputation to succeed. Perhaps is no longer in the market for the content I am peddling. Or was too distracted and scanned my submission too fast to see its quality.

Go ahead call it an epiphany. Everything can be turned down, and for any reason, and there is almost nothing you can do about it. Some reasons for rejection are always beyond your control.

Within Control

Additional reasons are under your control. Let’s face it, my pitches and submissions may from time to time be poorly thought out. They may not resonate and impact, or the idea I am trying to express is not compelling enough. Alternatively I’m being too similar. Or a part about my writing style, especially commas, was annoying.

The essence is that, despite all my years of exertion and rejection, I have succeeded in being widely published. I’ve authored multiple works—the initial one when I was 51, my second, a personal story, at 65—and in excess of a thousand pieces. These works have been published in publications major and minor, in regional, worldwide platforms. An early piece appeared when I was 26—and I have now written to that publication for half a century.

Still, no blockbusters, no author events in bookshops, no appearances on popular shows, no presentations, no book awards, no big awards, no international recognition, and no national honor. But I can better take rejection at my age, because my, humble accomplishments have softened the jolts of my frequent denials. I can afford to be philosophical about it all at this point.

Valuable Setbacks

Setback can be educational, but only if you listen to what it’s attempting to show. Otherwise, you will probably just keep interpreting no’s incorrectly. So what lessons have I learned?

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